These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
