Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
