i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
