I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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