I cockslap morals
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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