her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
