yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
