M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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