you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
