if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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