I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
