billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
