bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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