that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
