I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
