You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
