he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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