Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
