Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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