Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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