dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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