and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
