you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
