drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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