i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
