you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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