He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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