I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
