You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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