she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
