I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
