My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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