this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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