...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
tell me about the eggs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
