She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
