a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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