can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
