I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
