Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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