Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
