OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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