it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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