so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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