Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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