We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
