no, he came in my armpit
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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