That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
