fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
