Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
