I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
