A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
