Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
3 2 1 whiskey
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
