I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
