I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
