My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
