We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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