YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
