Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
