is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need water and some morals
Randomize
