Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Panties = found
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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