he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
