you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
