I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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