Can i not drive my cunt home
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
