That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Mom said you looked used
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
